you

cant make me mad, you cant rile me up. I will not show you any care nor attention and I will not let you affect me. Not anymore. I'm free now and balls been in your court for awhile...only so much time left until you lose it forever.

given this sudden change of situation

Today, the day i was excited for all summer, was definitely far from what I wish it would have been. I saw it as debuing the new me, with my new "real" bestfriends and crew that stood strong for me. JOKE. One of the biggest betrayels ever afflicted upon me changed everything and now, here I am with this new, basically dgaf, view of this year. Dont get to close and I wont get hurt right?.. So, no one will affect me. No changes will surprise me, and im giving up on trusting people to be real with me. Its highschool, thats just to unrealistic. All i want is an apology and an actual sincere conversation, but balls not in my court anymore. and my life as an emotional rollercoaster continues. oh joyyy. In other news, me and austin are better than ever with all this crap happening, I feel like he's the only one who truly cares and understands ME. Through everything he's the only one who has really stayed loyal and shown me how much he truly loves me. Im also going to touch on Tierra and how happy i am she was able to apologize for her part and let me do so for mine and im soooooooo excited to welcome her back into my adventure of a senior year. I hope it all somehow falls into place. we'll see. : /

you dont deserve it

i could write a monologue about how devistated i am. but i just cant find the words. because things change, and friends leave, but life doesnt stop for anyone.

sometimes

i just want something for me, because i give you whatever you ask. i want you to step up your stupid standards and realize how fucking stupid you look going after a sophomore and what i  really want is proof. That i am a priority and that you do fucking care. Cause right now, this is nottttt cutting ittt...

soooo

everything is all better, just in time for schoool! <3 im giddy with excitement.

if my enter button was working.

I would I.M. you like I have always done. I would tell you why I was upset and hope that this time was the last time I'd need to. Id tell you that you are my bestfriend and that no matter what ill always be there to listen and understand. Id make sure you realized the amount of care I have for you and how strong and independent you are, and the envy that gives me. I would ask you to come see me before your game so we could really have that re-bonding moment. I would understand when you couldn't and love you all the same. I would promise to be more understanding and know that you say it out of insecurity or playfullness or sarcasm. And I would prove to you that your important to me. I would make it all okay.          But my enter button doesnt work. And this time, I want you to care.                                                                                                  Love aand rockets i suppose.