maybeee

if I keep blogging about how much I wanna dissappear, if I just will. Seriously, wouldn't even complain

and ill walk away

Pretending I dont know you. Because I know there are better things awaiting me that will show i've made the right choice.

because

i love youu. ill give you a second chance. because i care about you, ill continue to help you get this relationship back on track. because your my brother, ill look out for you and stand by you no matter what your choose. because your my bestfriend, ill pretend she's not ruining your life or our friendship. because your a good person i try and trust she has some kind of good in her. because you love her, i do my best to be happy for you. however, she is a jealous, coniving, immature, controlling, hippocritical, young, ridiculous, rude, bitch that has now made it her goal not to make a good bond and relationship with you. but to get me out of the picture so she can feel superior. fair... ? NOPE. am i going to let her get away with it..? NOPE.

strength

You wont take my happiness anymore. Now that I know the reason you took it originally and what I did.. well didnt to that made you throw me away. Im moving on- from hope of a better future, from reminisence of the past, and sadness that this is what its come down to. I cant take it anymore. Im the one who is suffering because of it, because we all know you cant FEEL. And I know my truth. For awhile there I let you ruin me, I let you take my light and my shine but no more. I have never wished you anything but the best and Im now leaving it at that. So heres to me, getting my life back. FINALLY.

dear,___

Hopefully one day someone will show you how to treat the people you care about. Or that pretending to be a persons bestfriend is NOT okay. You cant see the hole your digging deeper and deeper into by letting me think everything is great between us than turning around and talking shit on me and making people resent me because you have some dysfunctional irrational problem with me your to afraid to admit to my face. I loved youu like a fucking brother and here you come on your goddamn high horse acting like im some insignificant pawn because you have all these girls following you around. WELL GUESS WHAT. I am one of the bestfriends you will ever lose and I pray to God that you regret treating me the way you do. I am sick and tired of being treated like im a nobody to the people i hold to a high position of friendship. If you dont want to be in my life FINE but just frickin tell me so i stop wasteing MY senior year on you fake, shady people who dont have the balls to tell me the truth. Its such crap and i deserve better. MUCH much better.                             FUCK these people. im ready for new ones...

so i thought..

i had a tight grip on reality... but i cant let go of whats in front of me

well,

I used to blog because I felt better after and because I knew I wasn't hiding anything. Now, I blog because I have no one to talk to.